Ever since I became an adult, I’ve had a hard time giving up control.

My body—a reflection of my mind—is often holding tension, like a clenched fist that doesn’t know how to let go. It wasn't always this way. But as I became more self-aware in my twenties, I also became more intentional. I wanted to shape my life consciously. I believed in the power of the mind—in the idea that if I could direct my thoughts and focus my energy, I could create the life I envisioned.

But this led to a lot of internal strain and effort.

Control became the tool I reached for the most: control over my thoughts, my emotional state, my circumstances. I was trying to force my inner world into alignment so that my outer world would follow. And while my intentions were good, my execution was flawed.

The harder I tried to control everything, the more I seemed to stay stuck, which only compounded the inner turbulence I felt.

Recently, something shifted.

A while back, I was listening to a YouTuber I follow who reintroduced an idea I’d heard many times before. Essentially: You can’t create something new while holding onto the old.

I understood that concept. I'd even believed it. But something about hearing it in that moment hit me differently.

I realized: the first step in creating the life I want isn't to push harder. It’s to release.

Let go of old attachments. Outdated beliefs. Patterns of resistance. Anything that keeps me cycling in the same narrow loop.

This, in essence, is surrender. And surrender, I’m realizing more and more, is not passive. It’s not the same as giving up.

Surrender is a deliberate practice.

It means checking in with myself and asking: What am I holding onto right now? And then simply “listening”. Becoming the container for the thoughts and feelings that arise, so I can hold space for them without clinging tightly to them.

When I do this, something shifts internally. There’s a softening, a kind of energetic release. It’s not always easy to get there, but when it happens, a space opens. I feel lighter. I’ve released something, and now I’m open to whatever wants to flow in naturally.

But this raises a deeper question: why doesn’t control work in the first place?

Here’s my understanding of it.

When we try to control life, we introduce resistance. We start from a place of lack — I don't have this thing yet, and I need it. That kind of energy is desperate. It's forceful. And life, in response, mirrors that energy back to us.

Think of a pendulum: the more you swing it in one direction (craving, striving, clinging), the more energy you give to the opposite swing (resistance, delay, tension). This is the law of polarity in action. Isaac Newton framed it as: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

When we force, life pushes back.

So what's the antidote?

Neutrality.

Neutrality doesn’t mean apathy. It doesn’t mean you stop caring or lose your ambition.

It means you’re clear in your intention, but unattached to the outcome.

You hold the vision without gripping it. You allow space for things to unfold in their own time, in their own way. You don’t muddy the waters with doubt or impatience. You don’t clog the channel with fear or resistance.

Neutrality allows for clarity.

And when I look at the people who seem to live with the most ease, creativity, and success, there’s one common thread: they’re relaxed.

They don’t rush. They don’t strain. They know what they want, but they aren’t clawing toward it.

That kind of relaxed presence? It’s magnetic. It creates space to receive.

So that’s what I’m practicing now. Relaxation. Neutrality. Letting go.

I check in with myself:

• What am I gripping onto right now?
• Where do I feel tight?
• Can I soften, even a little?

Often, just asking the question brings awareness. And from awareness comes release.

This practice is changing me. It’s changing how I create, how I live, how I show up.

I’m learning that surrender is not the absence of action. It’s the presence of trust. And in that space, something new can emerge.

What is something you’re holding onto—and what might open up if you loosen your grip on having it?

I encourage you to try this practice on your own, and let me know in the comments where you’re trying to control things, and what happened internally if you were able to surrender it.

Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash